Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
