Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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