what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
