Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
