I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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