also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
