We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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