I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
