ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
