Define "chronic" masturbator.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
