i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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