Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
