we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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