I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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