3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
