fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
