3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
