i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
