that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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