So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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