WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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