The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
