we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
