Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
