I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
