I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
