She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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