I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
