Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
