One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
