Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
