I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
