Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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