Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
