everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So vagazzling was a success
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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