come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
