You really coming over, don't trick.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
