dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
