the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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