sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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