good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
