It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
