I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
