I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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