Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
