What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
