first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
