yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drake has all the answers
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
