Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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