I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
