Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
