nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
