Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
