you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
